the good wife

 
When a friend of mine recommended that I read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, I have to admit that I was a little skeptical. What kind of a title is THAT, I wondered. But this friend of mine is a very reasonable, well-balanced, smart woman who has been married almost ten years. So I started reading it last night.

I just finished. What a refreshing collection of advice! I'm not a wife yet, but as I prepare myself to move into that role soon, I will openly admit that I am scared to death. What if I suck? What if I'm a crappy wife and my poor soon-to-be husband is stuck with me for the next 70 years? I wouldn't know what to do with my horrible self. So I'm trying to learn as much as I can and gather the best advice possible for this next great adventure.

I don't want to re-hash the entire book, but I can say that the main message is this: there is a double standard that says a woman can be selfish, inconsiderate, manipulative, disrespectful, and flat-out cruel to a man and he needs to just stand there and take it. Meanwhile, men have to cater to every emotional whim, mood swing, irrational fear, and unreasonable expectation of a woman, lest they be judged an insensitive jerk. You can see why Dr. Laura isn't exactly popular with the pop-psychology of the feminist movement.

But I think she's absolutely right. There is definitely a double standard and it's not one that I want in my relationship or in our marriage. I want to appreciate my fiance for his masculinity and celebrate our differences, instead of trying to turn him into a neutered puppy. I don't want a girlfriend, I want a husband, and I need to remember that when I'm trying to get him to talk for six hours about his feelings.

I'm grateful that my friend gave me this book, and I already feel better about this whole wife-business. Men are not that complicated- and they certainly aren't as complicated as women.